Recent reviews by PurplePike

Sorry chat, but this game is kinda ♥♥♥♥. I mean, all three of these games are kinda ♥♥♥♥, but at least the first two (Sigma 1 and NG2 to be specific, as those are the versions I played) had visions behind them, and awesome ones at that. This one, however, is just an alright action game with all the ♥♥♥♥ of the first two, making it a frustrating experience without any of the awesomeness or edge (ba dum, tss).

TL;DR: the game is alright sometimes, but mostly is just Ninja Gaiden without anything that offsets the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥-iness. Not a bad game, but certainly the worst of the trilogy.


Edit: I ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ forgot, but the story sucks too in a surprising way lol

As somebody who's never played a Sonic game before, I liked this one! Maybe I will play more Sonic in the future.

























































































So when do I get autism

The vibes are weird, the townspeople are strange, the mechanics are wild, and above all else, it is entertaining as all hell. I mean, there are deep and intricate systems for pissing. PISSING! Also I don't give a ♥♥♥♥, this game was on some serious ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ for having a line TO A CONFESSIONAL. Can you really blame me for firing a rocket at a family of nine for that?


TL;DR: Mr. Pie was right, this game is ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ PEAK. 9/11, would piss on ballsack man again

Least insane American simulator




Also, going from FFX / X-2 into this was a hilariously jarring form a whiplash

FFX is peak Final Fantasy, and that's saying something because VI-IX are already peak games. FFX / 10

What the ♥♥♥♥ were they thinking with X-2 though

What the ♥♥♥♥ is wrong with Finland

Who hurt them

I'mma strip you of your protection, turn you into a ♥♥♥♥, reduce myself to 1 hp then exchange our health percentages, and finally give you a little smack. That's how I killed Hitler, who gassed the elves with Deathfog that one time. That, and my suicide bomber necromancer Sans Undertale (TM) skeleton man.

aight port

legacy of rust is cool too

Hello all - PurplePike here. Questions for you all: are you a lonely, miserable dumbass? Do you have trouble interacting with "real" women, because you are sexually attracted to 2D pictures? And when Varre in Elden Ring called out your bitchless behaviour, did you spend the night crying in the corner of your room in your underwear? Well, do I have the game for you.

Huniepop is a ♥♥♥♥♥ Acquisition Simulator (TM) where you, John Huniepop, must acquire the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. Unlike your Chinese cartoons though, this game is diverse in its ♥♥♥♥♥ roster, containing everything from crazy ladies that think they are cats to aliens from the wacky land of "Mexico". In Huniepop, you will manifest your - as the gen. Alpha children would say - "rizzilante", in the form of visceral and bloody match-3 gameplay, harkening back to the days of Candy Crush and Plants vs. Twitter users. Using this and your unique advantage of being a data broker that already knows all the girls' likes and dislikes, Huniepop will make you into the ultimate ♥♥♥♥♥ Acquirer (TM).

TL;DR: Huniepop is pretty good fun, me likey.

Hello everybody, PurplePike here. This is the second part of me reviewing the classic Serious Sam games and seeing if the series was ever "good" after being driven to the brink of madness following a Serious Sam 3 playthrough - more information on my The First Encounter review.

Earnest Emmanuel: The Sequel Expedition is an insane game. Just from the opening cutscene you can tell that between The First Encounter and the making of this game, Croteam took a copious amount of drugs before saying "♥♥♥♥ it" and going bananas. In the first game, you had this AI companion named NETRICSA who acted as a sort of helping guide on your journey via text-based analyses of your current situation and objectives. In this game, this neurally-implanted personal computer is now hitting on you (?) and referencing the offical Pensive Paul: The Following Meeting guide in order to "aid" you on your quest. There's this one part where you kill ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Santa Claus for a power-up. Even the secrets are more unhinged - I picked up a health potion once and then the tree behind me "mutated" into a rocket-launching tree. Like... the ♥♥♥♥ were they on?

As for the game itself? Well, it feels like The First Ecounter, but polished around the edges and made even better. Only thing that might be worse than TFE is the setting, but that's pretty subjective I'd imagine. Better guns, better enemies, etc., etc.

TL;DR: This ♥♥♥♥ is mental, but also some serious fun. Oh yeah, and ♥♥♥♥ Serious Sam 3.