Let us go then, you and I
When the Eleven-Day Empire eats the sky
Like a humanoid melting like clams upon the breakfast table.

Item #: RAINBOW

Object Class: Apollyon

Special Containment Procedures: Rainbow cannot be contained at the present moment, and currently poses a ZK Class End-of-reality scenario. The most advisable course of action is for Rainbow, believed to be the focal point of Rainbow, to remove himself from contact with all Foundation sites and personnel to avoid further collateral damage to Foundation property. It is theorized that if Rainbow is contained in an extremely secluded area, then the destructive capabilities of Rainbow will temporarily cease

stop

be contained

preserve some remnants

Research is currently continuing as to how to negate the effects of Rainbow. Current proposals include launching it into the sun.

The most advisable course of action is for Rainbow, believed to be the focal point of Rainbow, to remove himself from contact with all of his own ego. Rainbow is to meditate at least twice a week to clear his mind of any bad thoughts. Should this fail, termination is to occur via a single shot to the forehead via a Remington 700 Sniper rifle fired at close range and equipped with a silencer. Should Rainbow prevent this, the corpse of Rainbow is to be dispatched with a MP5/10 submachine gun. Personnel are to ignore any signs of distress made by the entity at this time.

Rainbow is to be contained via Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, who were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense. Mr. Dursley was the director of a firm called the Global Occult Coalition, which contained anomalies. He was a big, beefy man with hardly any neck, although he did have a very large mustache. Mrs. Dursley was thin and blonde and had nearly twice the usual amount of neck, which came in very useful as she spent so much of her time craning over garden fences, spying on the neighbors. The Dursleys had a small son called Rainbow and in their opinion there was no finer boy anywhere.

Rainbow is to be contained in a bag of Starburst candies, which are to be buried under 10 tons of soil blessed by a priest of an Abrahamic Faith.

All colleagues of Rainbow are to remove their hands and rip out their eyes in his presence before

Rainbow is to be contained in a standard humanoid containment chamber fitted with 1 bed, 1 television with DVD player, 3 romantic comedies of staff's choice, and a bedside table made of living alligator flesh. At the end of the month, it is to be terminated with a MP5/10 submachine gun. Following its reappearance, Rainbow, alongside Rainbow, are to be delivered to the Church of the Broken God as a gift. All Church operatives are to be informed that Rainbow is a Maxwellist artifact of great importance. Rainbow is to be injected with Class-C amnestic and given the cover story that he is Max Lipshitz, a high ranking Maxwellist leader. All Church operatives are to be informed that Rainbow and Rainbow are not to be separated under any circumstances.

Rainbow is to be contained within a 2m x 2m cube constructed of telekill alloy. This cube is to be stored in a Keter-Object storage locker placed within the navel of Mrs. Brianna K. Ally, a resident of Huntsville Alabama.

Rainbow is not to be confused with a scented candle.

Rainbow is to be contained via the following joke:

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us.”

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute.”

The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us.” The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

The father dresses himself in a top hat wearing a sign that says "Talent Agent" The mother dresses as the father and walks up to him and says "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The son (playing the mother) says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

The son dresses himself in a top hat wearing a sign that says "Talent Agent" The daughter dresses as the father and walks up to him and says "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The father (playing the son) says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

Rainbow dresses himself in a top hat wearing a sign that says "Talent Agent" Rainbow dresses as the father and walks up to him and says "[SYSTEM ERROR: DATA CORRUPTED. PLEASE SEE A NETWORK ADMINISTRATOR FOR MORE DETAILS]"

The agent mumbles incoherently.

Rainbow (playing the mother) says, "[SYSTEM ERROR: DATA CORRUPTED. PLEASE SEE A NETWORK ADMINISTRATOR FOR MORE DETAILS]"

The agent spits out a weak sigh, "Order is to be discarded like a humanoid melting like clams on the breakfast table. Order is the way of villians. True good is the formless void, melting and writhing and corrupting. You happy yet?"

Rainbow cannot be contained at the present moment, and currently poses a ZK Class End-of-reality scenario. The most advisable course of action is for Rainbow, believed to be the focal point of Rainbow, to remove himself from contact with all Foundation sites and personnel to avoid further collateral damage to Foundation property. It is theorized that if Rainbow is contained in an extremely secluded area, then the destructive capabilities of Rainbow will temporarily walk the dinosaur

…

Description:

Rainbow is everything that was wrong with the world

Rainbow is lolcats

Rainbow is you, reading this

Rainbow is former Vice President of the United States Mike Pence

Rainbow is food

Rainbow is several moldy blankets

Rainbow is Researcher Talloran's soul

Rainbow is the GoI referred to as Nobody

Rainbow is The concept of the Grinch

Rainbow is SCP-055

Rainbow is a murderous penguin

Rainbow is not a quadrilateral

Rainbow is M.S. Subbalakshmi

Rainbow is body image disorder

Rainbow is your missing sock

Rainbow is the SCP-3000 contest

Rainbow is lice

Rainbow is anything moving quickly

Rainbow is cliche lists that look like they were written by a crazy person

Rainbow is self-loathing

Rainbow is Gary Gygax's kidney

Rainbow is ___

Rainbow is Nintendo

Rainbow is the last moment of the sun

Rainbow is The Administrator of the SCP Foundation

Rainbow is a pillow

Rainbow is Max Landis

Rainbow is free jazz

Rainbow is the 2020 novel coronavirus pandemic

Rainbow is Every word spoken by AM in Harlan Ellison's I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream

Rainbow is papaya and mango salad

Rainbow is death

Rainbow is every bee that has ever existed

Rainbow is forgetting a loved one

Rainbow is poinsettias

Rainbow is breast reduction surgery

Rainbow is the 1922 documentary Nanook of the North

Rainbow is a fool

Rainbow is Brutalist architecture

Rainbow is a bookshelf filled with stories

Rainbow is all of the above. At once. Forever. At all times. In your dreams.

This can be the only conclusive fact.

So stop asking.

....

and that's all i wrote.