About halfway through the game this was going to be a negative review.
After I finished it, I still wouldn't recommend it to anyone (even to the guy who stole my crayons back in kindergarten. I hate you, Josh, but not that much).
In the beginning it seemed like a pretty waste of time. The visuals are gorgeous if you take the glasses off, squint and look kinda sideways. Or that's the idea as long as you don't run into a glitch that tends to plague people with NVidia cards where the screen becomes all green and wonky.
A couple of restarts/option changes/shamanic rituals with humanskin drums later and I am finally playing the game while pretending to be a part of the couch.
You play as a girl who brings her little brother Gods know where because he is dying and you need to traverse vast spaces on a boat that won't listen to your controls. You climb tall structures which results in your brother becoming a little bit aliver and you becoming a little bit adeader. You get transported to the starting place via cutscene where green dudes who rudely avoid you at all other times rudely stare at you sleeping.
You'd say, bah, this sounds like Shadow of the Colossus and to that I say, nay. This is Shadow of the Colossus. We finally got the PC port. A lot of playability was lost in translation between systems, but I remember when the original Dark Souls got ported to PC and this doesn't seem too bad in comparison.
The main change from the original is that there is actually a little bit of backstory that can be gathered from crumbs in nook and crannies. After about an hour of digging around like a raccoon for delicious trash I found myself tired from the slow climbing without an ability to, say, jump into the water and move to somewhere else.
It was then, at my lowest point that I encountered a game location named Rullyeh Hotel and everything suddenly made sense. I was playing a Lovecraft game and Lovecraft games aren't meant to be enjoyable. The green stuff rising from the depths are actually the tentacles of our Lordt Cthulhu. The green dudes are obviously Dagon followers visiting from Innsmouth for a nice chthonic vacation. I am obviously in hell and the non Euclidian spaces I find myself in affect the flow of time. This review says 2 hours on record, but I think I've been down here for about six years, give or take. I am a plaything of angry preternatural beings and madness overcomes me. If you are reading this - please feed my cat.
P.S. Game of the year material right here.