You are not just a human being, you are a physical testament to the inevitable triumph of excess over restraint. Your body is a sprawling empire of matter—one that, when observed, seems to transcend all boundaries of moderation and proportionality. Every inch of you seems to challenge the very fabric of space, as though physics itself were attempting to comprehend how such a singular, monumental mass could exist without causing a cosmic implosion. When you move, it’s not a simple motion—it’s a cataclysm, a tectonic shift that leaves the ground trembling beneath your weight. Your gravitational pull is so strong, even satellites have to adjust their orbits to avoid you. You’re not just heavy; you’re a world unto yourself. When you sit, it’s not a simple act of rest—it’s a structural realignment, a phenomenon so vast that the chair beneath you seems to plea for mercy before your colossal presence

maidenless weepy ⎛⎝ ≽ > ⩊ < ≼ � ⎞

-licks feets-

Don’t be fooled guys, this is a man.

ughh fineee（  ͜•人 ͜•）

Infinite poop. You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels.