Recent reviews by kachow

first person perspective of you being so badass that even jim cruise would be scared to make you a little mad
grab a shotgun and obliterate the nearest poor soul
no shotgun? a pistol will do, swift headshot
no pistol? huck a knife at their nose
no knife? kick his balls inward and then stomp on his skull
legs hurt? be mike tyson for 2 seconds
with *everything* being a lethal promise theres nothing but satisfaction
and thank you to the devs specifically for the "Press 'Z' to quickly turn around" feature! jumping out of the sky only to land in front of a dude, flip around to show him my ass, flip back around, put my foot where it shouldnt be, and then shoot him with his own gun in front of all his friends- is my favorite pass time!
P.S. whatever youre putting in those bear traps is working

+10 points, modern Game Dev remake just about
pro tip for those who seek maximum success: dont ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ buyout the competition bro they stain your name with these awful titles and tiny useless studios. to make money: pump out games and occasionally show the fanbase you care. shoutout to the hacking feature, saved me millions AND depressed the opps, amazing opportunity!

P.S. Grantendo, stop with those damn exclusive deals, tryna lose me millions ya damn rats.

omg 1.6 wow its finally here!!
ok why did i just find some jelly and why did it taste so damn good?
mmmm jola cola! cant wait to throw that straight back into the ocean :D

P.S. why do 5 backpacks cost the same as a house upgrade? these must be insulated or smth

P.P.S. krobus is chill and i like his aura

my friend tried bringing back a metal bolt and got struck down by lightning as if zeus wanted to teach him a lesson. game really knows how to make sure you die by any means, including drowning. i really enjoyed the part the black man ran up and snatched my whole team and took the bodies so i ended up poor as dirt.
game is quite the fun amazing experience, 9.8/10

P.S. dont challenge the dog shaped dogs, they know how to bite

i wish my stablehand would stop missing attacks with one skill roll when he has 92 speed 6 times in a row that'd be great! on the brightside you can start a run with 170 gold so shoutout to the 1% club. actual question why are there imp wizards that ♥♥♥♥♥ insane petition to lower their hp to 1 or 0.

P.S. havent seen the kraken yet not sure if its real

P.P.S. dont play this game with blind people

when i grow up i want to be an astronaut!
WELL NOW'S THE TIME TIMMY
go to space! explore new planets! fight snake people...?
dear god not even the wiki knows where uranium is im so screwed
i coulda sworn spidey sense was a peter parker only thing. why do the guard smell me stealing 15 credits 4 rooms away man HOW DO I OBTAIN YOUR POWER
chose the wanted trait, havent been hunted yet. 8/10 not even bad guys want me :(

"miss!" is my new least favorite word. least favorite image for my eyes to absorb and report back to my brain.
combat treats me like a princess making my way through a gilded hall full of networked dukes and lords with all the damn miss's, JUST LAND A HIT YOU HAVE A +5 TO YOUR ATTACK ROLLS WITH ADVANTAGE AND THE GOBLIN IS P R O N E. no but youll throw a spear 30 feet with 25% chance to land and it crits. swear those odds are just flavor text for our primate brains to think *mmm number! me like high number mmm armph*

all due respect this game is an amazing passion project, the early access wait was worth it. will be relevant for a couple centuries (if nukes dont blow up) 99/100, that one point is for lae'zel's attitude. neglected her like that chew toy i peed on and abandoned when i was 4

P.S. Astarion keep your teeth out of me

no merchant, i will not give you 18 gold for 2 strands of wheat, damn minecraft villager wannabe
no mercenary dude, i will not pay you 22 gold, stop coming back this is the 14th time
ok yes i'll take some oracle dust that ♥♥♥♥ sounds fire (ok so that was crack)
wait ♥♥♥♥ war is next week can we reschedule

bullet hell more like exp orb heaven i love collecting blue dots on my screen that gradually go up in pitch until i level up just to get a strange fruit or spikey hide (would rather have anything else) +10 points for art style its good and i would even say its gooder! very satisfying game, hoping it gets much love in the future and great content updates

P.S. wiggle woggle is my favorite dont tell spinky winky or dizzy wizzy or bingus bongus or hoozey woozey, they might use the
soul of anam on me

P.P.S. what the actual gosh darn is Pixel Perfect, please help

step 1: make assembly line
step 2: tell it to go faster
step 3: it goes faster (♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ thank god)
step 4: make it cheap
step 5: fall asleep because cheap assembly lines take so ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ long i had one waste 4 minutes of my life just from running it once i mean im glad to put myself on the left side for one of the histograms but lord forgive me if i grow a beard while telling robot arms when to turn and when to grab