Recent reviews by Jlow

The minigames broke me, 3D Brawler Sephiroth is stronger than the real Sephiroth.
Please let me kill Chadley in the third part, please Square Enix give the fans what they deserve.

It's great that the game is mostly faithful to the original, the majority of the changes simply expand and improve the existing narrative, though the ending of both part one & two is where things get very different, I guess we will see if the finale can tie everything up neatly.

I'm cautiously optimistic but at the end of the day this project was always supposed to be more of a remake than a one to one remaster.

Yap session over.

I know you want to pet the Torgal.
Torgal my beloved, we LOVE Torgal.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ )‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ (\_
‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎((‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎_/{‎ ‎ "-;
‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ )).-'‎ {{‎ ;'`
‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎(‎ (‎‎ ‎ ;._‎ \\

(This post was sponsored by the Torgal Appreciation Foundation)

It's only 500 seconds.
It's only 500 seconds.
It's only 500 seconds.
It's only 500 seconds.
It's only 500 seconds.
It's only 500 seconds.
It's only 500 seconds.
It's only 500 seconds.
It's only 500 seconds.
It's only 500 seconds.
It's only 500 seconds.
It's only 500 seconds.
It's only 500 seconds.
It's only 500 seconds.
It's only 500 seconds.
It's only 500 seconds.
It's only 500 seconds.
It's only 500 seconds.
It's only 500 seconds.
It's only 500 seconds.
It's only 500 seconds.
It's only 500 seconds.
It's only 500 seconds.
It's only 500 seconds.
It's only 500 seconds.

Blessed 🙏🏼😔 Sigmar, the world 🌎 drowns 😱🌊 in corruption 🤬😤. Your 👉 empire 👑😎 is aflame 💯 with heresy ⚛. The faithful 🔐❤ perish �  and the wicked 😀 multiply 📦. Blessed 🙏 Sigmar, lend 🤙 me your 👉 strength 💪🏻🏋. Grant 🐩🙏🏾 me the will to purge 💀🔥 the corrupt 🤬😤, to smite � 🗡 the heretic � 😡, to bring 🚶 hope 🙏 when 🍑 hope 🙏 is lost 💸. By the Comet ☄ and the Hammer 🔨, I 👁 pledge 🙇 to the coming 💦 battle ⚔. I 👁 vow 🗣🏖 not to waver 🌊 and never ❌ retreat 🏃, to stand 🕴 tall ⬆ against 😈 the flames 🔥 of perdition, to drive 🚗 back ⬅↩ the shadow 👤 of Chaos 🌋 with your 👉 holy 🙏 light 💡.

What the beard did you just bloody say about me, you pointy eared leaf lover? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in mining school, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret Deep Dives on Hoxxes IV, and I have over 300 confirmed Error Cubes. I am trained in Driller warfare and I’m the top speedrunner in the entire Deep Rock Galactic community. You are nothing to me but just another lootbug. I will wipe you the hell out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this mission, mark my sodding words. You think you can get away with saying that ♥♥♥♥♥ to me over the comm? Think again, knobhead. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Scouts across the space rig and your tunnels are being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re dead, greenbeard. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can down you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare pickaxe. Not only am I extensively trained in berserker melee, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the forge's overclocks and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable arse off the face of the drop pod, you little grunt. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have just hit V instead. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you Karl-damn idiot. I will drop satchel charges all over you and you will drown in it. You’re sodding dead, whale-piper.

Born too late to conquer Malevelon Creek
Born too soon to ride a mech into battle
Born just in time to liberate Veld

Ah, sweet man-made horrors beyond my comprehension.

I NEED MORE BOULETS🗣️🗣️ , I NEED MORE BOOLETS 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️, CMON SIR PLEASE CMON🗣️🗣️, BIGGER WEAPONS 🍑, DRRRRRRRR💥💥 NOW THATS A BIG WEAPON 🍑, DRRRRRR 💥💥💥, THANKS FOR THE PROTEIN SIR 🗣️🗣️, WOW THANKS FOR THE PROTEIN🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️I NEED MORE BOULETS, BIGGER WEAPONS, I NEED MORE BOOULETS🗣️🗣️, HASTA LA VISTA BABY 🍑, HASTA LA VISTA BABY 🍑, HASTA LA VISTA BABY 🍑, DRRRRRRRRRRRRR 💥💥, DRRRRRRRR 💥💥💥

Khazukan Kazakit-ha, Thaggoraki!

Pros:
- Can commit severe war crimes

Cons:
- Has Fr*nch "people"

I never want to see another Shinra box ever again after that one minigame ...