Are you sick of being held back by your lackluster teammates?

Is all that practice just not helping?

Does playing with your team seem more like a chore than a game?


Well then we've got a promising offer for you;

If your team (soon to be former) is playing against us in a match within a week of you messaging us we will literally sit someone out and let you ♥♥♥♥ up your former team.

We don't care about your success, or our own for that matter, but we will absolutely help you sate your appetite for revenge because drama is delicious and revenge is a dish best served with a tazer and bizon.

Believe me when I say we will be the first to tell your team to ♥♥♥♥ off. Why not join us in that? It's not like you'd go anywhere with them anyways.

If you drop 30 frags or above against your former team you can have a permanent spot on the roster, if you so choose. Though it's not recommended if you actually want some measure of success.


Application requirements:

~As few hours available as possible.
-If you manage to get on the roster and ever ask us to pug, scrim or play another league or tournament with us you will be cut on the spot.

~A passion for tilting the other team.
-Unsportsmanlike conduct is against the ESEA code of ethics and very very bad mmmkay. You can't talk ♥♥♥♥ in the middle of a match, but if you go the extra mile and be an absolute ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ of a person outside of matches (to our opponents not eachother you ♥♥♥♥♥♥ insecure tool) and intentionally play with a handicap in matches you're a great fit for us.

~Location doesn't matter as long as you speak English.
-The higher your ping goes, the further the other team tilts.

~Matchmaking ranks are irrelevant and we really don't care about ESEA pug ranks.
-If you're Silver 1 or D- on ESEA you might be quadriplegic and about as smart as a brick - but we'd love a mascot so hit us up.

~Preference will be given to those with a passion for unorthodox and off meta weapons (such as tazers or bizons).


Ideally we will only be taking players from teams we play against and can therefore undermine. If you are not from one of those teams but meet all the other criteria and are interested in joining then please submit a short essay detailing your history in esports as a comment on this ad or as a private message to Protox. Professional experience in completely irrelevant games such as Smash is an asset. Please provide a list of references. If you can prove a full season of OGL experience in 1.6 (or earlier versions) you get a free pass.

For the hopeless players that have NO league experience and just plain suck in solo play; have no fear! We will hold a lottery to have one of you lucky mongoloids sub in for playoffs. Just message Protox to be added to the list of hopefuls and when playoff dates are announced you will be sent the details via ESEA private message.

To those of you that are gonna tell us your potential and how much you wanna succeed, we are the wrong team for that - or the right one I guess because you'll probably go nowhere from just spamming that ♥♥♥♥.

Whoever wants the roster at the end of the season, when and if it gets out of open, can keep it. We're just gonna make another open east roster for the early default time.