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If you're reading this, you've found my son’s profile. Marvel Rivals has completely taken over his life. It all began innocently enough—he mentioned he was interested in a game called Rivals. it didn’t seem like a big deal. That was 20 years ago. Now, my son has isolated himself in his room, using Funko Pops as a makeshift barricade.
He only emerges once a week, carrying five large 50-gallon soda bottles filled with human excrement, which he leaves just outside his door. He refuses to leave the house, speak to me, or even acknowledge my presence. I’ve tried everything, but nothing seems to work. When I turned off the WiFi, he managed to pay someone in foot pics to park a satellite WiFi truck outside our house. Attempting to take away his computer leads to an uncontrollable tard rage where he repeatedly screams, “♥♥♥♥♥ BROKEN HERO" until he gets it back.
I’ve called the Internet police, but they say there’s nothing they can do. Please bring me back my son.

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+rep