1. Buy the game on steam. If you can't afford this i reccomend betting someone you won't lick a unirnal in a truck stop bathroom. This often pays at least $3. At least it did for me.
2. Run the game. You do this by double clicking the game on steam if you have already downloaded it which involves packets travling over a connection between the remote server and your PC.
3.Click New Game. You do this by moving your mouse button over the text that says "New Game" If you do not have a mouse you can use a trak-ball instead.
4. A black screen will appoear. Do not be alarms your monitor has not turned off Click once or twice until text appears detailing something happening that may or may not be related to Hitler and/or ♥♥♥♥♥.
5. Leave the game on but in focus so it feels wanted. In focus means you must have the game window active, like jogging but not. Feel free to masterbate or have sex with your partner if you have one while this is happening.
6. Return to new achievements.

And thats the guide. if any of this guide was unclear you can either learn to read, have someone tell you what it means or wait for a braile version.