Stardew Valley

Stardew Valley

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How to be pimp of the valley
By S̸̪̒e̵͍̐x̸̣̓u̷̹̓ṟ̵̑o̵̾ͅ
Welcome to the bootcamp of pimp
In this basic guide your pimplord Sexuro will guide you to marriage in Stardew Valley.
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Select your hoe
This city is full of hole to put yourself into. select one of following:

Bachelors
  • Alex
  • Elliott
  • Harvey
  • Sam
  • Sebastian
  • Shane

Bachelorettes
  • Abigail
  • Haley
  • Leah
  • Maru
  • Penny
  • Emily

Since im CIS white male, i prefer picking a lady in any circumstances.
Why in the world would you pick a guy when there is 6 ladys to choose from??
Which one should i pick?
Like i said, if you are even a bit sane or like girls, you need to pick a bachelorette. There is no discussing about that.

How do i get them to like me????

Easy, like in real life you would get a lady to like you. Give them diamonds and other insanely expensive jewelry as gift. If you want to be edgy and give them something special, you can google your waifus name and search stardew valley wiki.

What then?
What then? well what do you think? puck her right in the fussy
After reaching 8-heart "friendship" with your lady, you need to get her some flowers from pierre.
B itches love flowers. This will unlock 2 new hearts to be earned. Continue giving jewelrys to your chosen dishwasher until you reach 10-heart FWB relationship. Then, get Mermaid's pendant from Old Mariner. He is located at east side of beach when it's rainy day
After marriage
Alright, that was easy, i'm married, what now?
Well, you have accomplished marriage, now you need to keep that lazy ass lady happy as she lives under your roof. Occasionally give her diamonds and flowers to keep her happy. If she isnt gone by night 7 together, now she might might ask you if you wanted to have a baby with her. As responsible man who takes care of himself and his wife, you say yes and have the baby.
♥♥♥♥ man, this isnt working out
Getting tired of nagging housewife? Dumb her

You are not stuck with the lady you married. Of course you can get a divorce, but like in real life, that will cost you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ of money.
Divorce costs 50K gold. Visit mayors house, there should be small book that gives you option of getting divorce.

Other way to get your loved one hate you is to give them stone every day.






Got a kid and want to get rid of it?

No problem!

Visit Witch's hut with Prismatic shards

uh, i got divorce, but now i want same lady again

Go to Witch's hut, buy the witch to brainwash your EX and BAM, you can romance her again. Easy as that.
59 Comments
bunniii 28 Mar, 2023 @ 9:05am 
HAHAHAHA WAIT I JUST READ THE LAST ONE THATS FUNNY


i have issues my humor is broken help
bunniii 28 Mar, 2023 @ 9:05am 
you indeed are the pimp lord "puck her in the fussy" made me lol
ashtyler451 22 Jan, 2023 @ 4:53pm 
you are the pimp lord
slay
S̸̪̒e̵͍̐x̸̣̓u̷̹̓ṟ̵̑o̵̾ͅ  [author] 31 Jul, 2020 @ 1:12pm 
Dear zdrej00,
yes.
love, pimp master.
zdrej00 30 Jul, 2020 @ 2:12pm 
Does this guide apply to bachelors which became bachelorettes through mods?
SeesawTM 30 Jul, 2020 @ 8:19am 
hell yeah
kid cunny 14 Mar, 2020 @ 3:40am 
blackpilled
S̸̪̒e̵͍̐x̸̣̓u̷̹̓ṟ̵̑o̵̾ͅ  [author] 13 Mar, 2020 @ 11:23am 
Yes, you can. As you see, i have written a guide for that, it's at "uh, i got divorce, but now i want same lady again" section.
Spooky 13 Mar, 2020 @ 10:16am 
wait i can brain wash? xD
S̸̪̒e̵͍̐x̸̣̓u̷̹̓ṟ̵̑o̵̾ͅ  [author] 8 Mar, 2020 @ 9:59am 
Take a chillpill