Santa Clauses, which is an abbreviation to the genuine name Saint Patrick is a figure, wearing red and white, who is said to bring gifts to the home of well behaved children during the 25th of December. He is regarded in mainstream societies as a pure and benevolent soul, who provides luxury gifts for children. However, in a small, snowy rural town in Alaska, the reality of the situation is distinct and severe. In this small town, Santa Clauses has frequent bounty posters, plastered onto various estates, posters which delve into Santa Clauses, extensive criminal record. Charges of various misdemeanours, stalkings, sexual harassment towards minors and abduction plague this figure. The elders tell tall tales, of how Santa forces some individuals into slavery and with undesirables forces them into a cauldron, where they will be served into fine gourmets. Others who fit neither category, will be personally, forced by Santa into a saddle and referred to as a reindeer and subsequently forced to fight in a grand Colosseum, for a spectating crowd of ravenous, bloodthirsty crowd of Elves.

I can comprehend that you do not believe in the accusations against Santa. You view him as a cuddly and fatherhood figure, one that works towards the greater good, hosting jubilant celebrations. Fortunately, I have anticipated this public scepticism and have acquired a recently discovered cache, containing Santa's hidden missives. These missives in particular, delve into the depths of Santa's psychological mind, bringing to light his enjoyment of pursuing and abducting nubile woman and children. He also brings to light his sexual perceptions of Reindeer, working part time as a mall Santa and beating children with knuckle duster.

Santa Clauses Genuine Diary.
"My name is Saint Peter. albeit, the uneducated masses refer to me as Santa Clauses. They believe I am a benevolent hero, a kind elderly, man who gives gifts to children. I certainly provide gifts, but huh huh huh, not the ones they have in mind. Recently I clobbered an attractive 20 something year old, substitute teacher with a baseball bat and abducted her as a personal thrall. Why, her figure is something else entirely, it is difficult to imagine a lady of her calibre working in an educational field. Now that I think about it, my muscular Reindeer require some attention, specifically that Rudolf, who I have recently discovered frolicking unattended through my house. Furthermore, note to self, is appears that Hvangar, must be dealt with knuckle dusters.Silly Hvangar, didn't learn his lesson from the coal I gave him last year, as such he will have to learn a genuine, painful lesson."

Due to the recent abduction and raids from Santa upon our village, it is our responsibility to protect our lands from this vile fiend. Traps, of all assortments have been researched and placed in the field to prevent Santa's advancements upon our small rural towns. Primitive bear traps, to more sinister machine gun turrets have been employed to stem the tide of Santa and his insidious Elves. Let us pray, that our ingenuity is enough to prevent the latest Christmas incursion.

The village has now begun funding and resourcing an expertly trained militia, as an alternative to traps. The militia's role is to patrol around the village and be alert and fully prepared to obstruct Santa's destructive path. This militia is simultaneously, prepared and ready for any form of threat to emerge and have as such, honed themselves for unique adversaries to occur against there person. Do not fret, Alaskan villagers, for the militia is here.

Let is be known, fair villagers, that wearing a top hat will deter Santa's advances. It is foretold, over various tales that a top hat contains mythical properties and acts as a deterrent to various Santa's throughout the lands. Bearing these tales in mind, it is a wise idea to adorn a top hat when venturing outside.

A time may come, for this remote village to take destiny in their own hands and protect themselves directly from a confrontation with Santa. It is with this idea, that a vast assortment of weapon has been acquired, in an attempt to combat the forces of the North Pole. Firstly, a Wii remote is necessary to repel the forces of Winter. A Wii remote, inherently possesses telekinetic abilities, being able to manipulate physics to combat against Santa. Furthermore, other weapons such as Pokeballs, preferably containing Pokemon, spray bottles, containing mountain spring water to ward of adversaries and a sword may be required to combat this unique threat.

In summary, let it be known to all bypassers that Santa is an unscrupulous fiend, an individual who will stop at nothing to thwart the attempts of purity to envelope this world. He is a malicious, malevolent force, that must be extinguished and repelled. As such, the steps to this guide, which detail extensively on how to avoid abduction must be followed, if one wishes to avoid abduction and eternal servitude, to a red robed lunatic, who adored Christmas trees.