[Faster Than a Speeding Bullet plays as the warehouse doors in Well rise, revealing a crouching RED Scout with other members of RED team.]

[The Scout watches various BLU team members stationed around the center point: an sniper scoping for a target, an Engineer industriously making defensive preparations, a smoking Spy, and a Soldier juggling rockets.]

[Scout pumps his Scattergun and RED runs out to attack the point.]

[The Scout charges into a fierce battle on Well, quickly outpacing all his teammates. He runs towards the center of the map, dodging everything that BLU throws at him, then outruns and crosses a passing train as it crushes a BLU Soldier and Pyro.]

["Meet the Scout" text appears]

[Scout walks in front of the Meet the Scout text, from off frame.]

Scout: "Um... I don't even know where to start with you. I mean, do you even know who you're talkin' to?

[Cut to a scene of a BLU Heavy, sitting near the third control point in Granary about to take a bite of a Sandvich, when he is poked in the head by the Scout's Bat.]

Scout: "Yo, what's up?"

[Cuts back to Scout in front of text.]

Scout: D-Do you have any idea, any idea who I am?"

[Back to Heavy and Scout, who are in a fistfight while yelling. Cuts back to Scout.]

Scout: "Basically - kind of a big deal!"

[Back to fight. Scout is strangling Heavy with his Bat.]

Scout: [flexes a scrawny arm] "Oh man, that's beautiful. Heh!"

[Cut back to fight, Heavy now has the Scout in a headlock. Cuts back to Scout.]

Scout: " Ya' listenin'? OK. Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brotha'- [pokes the camera] I hurt people."

[Cut back to fight, The Scout whacks the Heavy in the gut with his Bat.]

Scout: "BOINK!"

Scout: [back to text] "I'm a force a' nature!"

[Scout hits the Heavy in the chin.]

Scout: "BONK!"

[Cuts back to Scout]

Scout: "If you were from where I was from, you'd be f**kin' dead!"

[Cuts back to fight; Heavy is collapsed on the ground trying to reach for his Sandvich; the Scout runs up the side of a shipping container, jumps off and slams his Bat into the Heavy's head.]

[Cuts back to Scout]

Scout: "WOOO!"

[Team Fortress 2 ending flourish music plays.]

[Scout sits on the twitching body of the Heavy eating the Heavy's Sandvich; the point is now RED's.]

[The BLU Pyro, Heavy and Demoman are hit with one of RED Soldier's rockets.]

["Meet the Soldier" Text appears.]

[RED Soldier walks across the screen, talking to an array of BLU helmets.]

Soldier: "If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight!

[Soldier looks at the BLU helmets.]

Soldier: "Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little-" [Soldier pokes one of the helmets.] "-more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it! And then he perfected it, so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor!"

[Cut to a shaky scene of RED Soldier in battle on Granary. He shoots a BLU Demoman dead with his shotgun, dodging the pipe grenades the Demoman had fired. Soldier then grabs his rocket launcher, killing a BLU Medic with it, while a RED Sniper yells something. Soldier then enters the main battle area. A RED Scout and RED Demoman are hiding behind a wall for protection while the RED Soldier, Heavy and Sniper run onto the field. Multiple BLU's are on the battlefield as well, shooting at the RED's.]

[Cut back to Soldier giving his speech.]

Soldier: Then he used his fight money-" [He takes the two grenades off of his shoulder strap.] "-to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat-" [He uses the grenades to show two animals walking somewhere.] "-and then he beat the crap out of every single one!" [He hits the two grenades together, indicating a fight.]

[Cutting back to the battle, the RED Scout warns Soldier of a Sentry ahead, and Soldier rocket jumps on top of the Sentry, destroying it and killing the BLU Engineer. Soldier runs along the pipe and jumps down onto the last control point, shooting a rocket as he does so. The rocket kills a BLU Pyro and Heavy, and Soldier grabs his shovel to kill an uncloaking Spy.]

[Cut back to Soldier and the helmets.]

Soldier: Heheheheh... And from that day forward, anytime a bunch of animals are together in one place, it's called a Zoo!"

[The camera angle changes to show the heads under the helmets, which are revealed to be the severed heads of the BLU's he was fighting earlier. The head of the BLU Medic falls off the fence they were placed upon.]

[Team Fortress 2 ending flourish music plays.]

[Soldier is leaning down to the fallen Medic head.]

Soldier: Unless its a farm!

["Meet the Pyro*" text appears, then is burned away to reveal the feet of the Pyro,* Fire Axe in hand, walking over a pair of glasses towards the camera and knocking a few empty bullet cartridges aside. Dreams of Cruelty begins playing.]

[Cut to a small room. The RED Heavy is seen almost completely in silhouette.]

Heavy: "I fear no man. But that... thing... it scares me."

[Cut to a view behind the Pyro's right shoulder. A BLU Engineer shuts a door before a BLU Scout can join him inside. The Scout pulls desperately on the handle, looking over to the Pyro, who looks at him menacingly. Cut again to the interview room. This time it is the RED Scout in silhouette.]

Scout: "No, I... I ain't, I ain't talking about that freak. All right?"

[Worried, he tries to detach the lavalier microphone from his shirt. He sits upright in his chair, in near panic.]

Scout: "He's not here, is she?"

[Scout continues to tug as he stands and walks toward the camera, knocking it over.]

Scout: "How do I get this f***ing thing off?!"

[Cut to BLU Demoman inside a room looking around worried. Pyro, with their Flame Thrower ready, kicks down the door into the BLU team's room and the Demoman darts away to hide. Fade back to the interview room, this time with the RED Spy*.*]

Spy: "One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie behind that mask..."

[Cut to Pyro firing their Flame Thrower, then to a wider shot, showing an entire wooden town in flames.]

Spy: "... What dreams of chronic and sustained cruelty?"

[Cut to a front view of the Pyro, zooming rapidly into the blackness of one of their eyepieces. There is the sound of the Pyro's breathing and a single white spot which zooms forward and splits into a binocular view while a distorted baby laughter can be heard. When the spots focus, it shows a psychedelic dreamscape*.*]

[As Do You Believe In Magic? begins playing, the view from the Pyro's eyes shows colorful hills, lollipops, floating cats and quaint villages. The Pyro's flame thrower appears in their hands as an unusually-shaped brass instrument*, spraying a rainbow-colored mist over ground, causing colorful flowers to spring from the lawn in front of them. The Pyro laughs. Within this dreamscape, BLU characters appear as chubby little cherubs and sound like babies.*]

[As a BLU Heavy appears and bounces on the ground, the Pyro grabs a giant lollipop and cheers. The two converge seemingly happily. While the Pyro in the dreamscape shoves the lollipop in the Heavy's mouth, the scene cuts to the battle as the Pyro hits the Heavy with the Fire Axe.]

[A BLU Scout appears, flying around and finally resting on the Pyro's instrument. The Pyro blows bubbles in his face in their vision, but shoots the Scout point blank with the Scorch Shot in the battle, knocking him back.]

[In the dreamscape, a BLU Medic appears out of a box, and the Pyro closes the box on him. In reality, Pyro traps the BLU Medic in a shed by barring the door with their axe.]

Medic: "No!"

[Pyro bathes the shed and the Medic in flames, who can be heard screaming. While in the dreamscape, the Pyro continues to shoot streams of rainbow mist from their weapon. As the Pyro passes, the Balloonicorn appears, and the BLU Engineer and Spy ride it. The BLU cherubs salute and celebrate the Pyro, and a BLU cherub Demoman waves at the camera from close up. Cut back to reality.]

Demoman: I'M BURNING!

[It is revealed that all of the BLU Team are being burned and killed. A BLU Soldier is hit by a piece of the destroyed sentry of a BLU Engineer*, who is shown flying off into the distance. A Scout flees and screams while a BLU* Sniper crashes out of a second-story window to the ground. He crawls over to the ankle of a nearby person. The sound of a Dispenser and then a teleporter being destroyed in the distance is heard.]

Engineer: Dispenser down!

[The BLU Sniper looks up, desperate.]

Sniper: "Help!"

[The ankle belongs to the Pyro, who looks down and shoots their flame thrower. The Sniper can be heard screaming as the view zooms in on the Pyro's mask, flames reflecting off the eyepieces as the Pyro tilts their head.]

[Ending title card appears and accompanying music plays]

[Cut back to the dreamscape, where the Pyro happily walks away into the sunset. The view zooms out and passes through the burnt, gaping hole in the stomach of a BLU Soldier. The view transitions back to reality as the Soldier clutches his smoldering innards for a moment and then falls over with a stifled groan. The Pyro continues to walk away into the sunset, whistling to Do You Believe In Magic? as the town begins to collapse from the inferno, the streets littered with charred BLU corpses. Fade to black.]

["Meet the Demoman" text appears"]

[Opening fanfare of "Drunken Pipe Bomb" plays as the Demoman narrowly escapes a massive explosion while jumping from a drop-down corridor in Gravel Pit]

[Freeze frame]

Demoman: "What makes me a good Demoman?"

[Cut to Demoman, sitting in a room full of explosives]

Demoman: "If I were a bad Demoman, I wouldn't be sittin' here, discussin' it with you now would I?"

["Drunken Pipe Bomb" resumes playing]

[Demoman charges into battle along with Team RED while dodging a cascade of rockets]

Demoman: "Let's do it!"

Demoman: "Not one of ya's gonna' survive this."

[Cut back to the Demoman's room, music pauses.]

Demoman: "One crossed wire, one wayward pinch of potassium chlorate, one errant twitch... and KABLOOIE!"

[Cut back to battle, music resumes.]

[The Demoman bounces a grenade off a wall and Gibs a pursuing Pyro]

[Cut to scene of the Demoman chugging from his Bottle of scrumpy]

[A level 2 Sentry Gun upgrades to level 3]

[Cut to scene of the Demoman continuing to chug from his Bottle of scrumpy]

[Sentry Gun fires rockets at the Demoman]

[Cut to a close up of the Demoman's face, still chugging from his Bottle of scrumpy]

[The Demoman dodges the rockets as a nearby Scout is gunned down by the Sentry. The Demoman then fires two grenades, destroying the Sentry Gun]

[Cut back to Demoman's room, music stops.]

[The Demoman slams the now empty Bottle down on the table, breathing heavily]

[Camera blurs]

Demoman: "I got a manky eye. I'm a black, Scottish cyclops.

[The Demoman knocks a grenade off the table, arming it in the process (it begins to blink)]

Demoman: They've got more f-[censored] than they've got the likes of me."

[The Demoman starts to drink from the empty Bottle, then notices the camera and becomes lucid again]

Demoman: "So...."

[The ending segment of "Drunken Pipe Bomb" starts to play]

Demoman: "....T'all you fine dandies so proud, so cocksure!"

[The Demoman runs out to the final capture point in Gravelpit and is shocked to see a group of BLU team members charging towards him with smug expressions on their faces. A devious look comes over the Demoman's face and he runs away with BLU in hot pursuit]

Demoman: "Prancin' aboot with your heads full of eyeballs! Come and get me I say! [The Demoman finds a door frame and suddenly gets his idea. As the BLU team charges toward him, they are unaware of the stickybombs the Demoman placed.] I'll be waiting on ya with a whiff of the 'ol brimstone. I'm a grim bloody fable....with an unhappy bloody end!"

[The BLU team arrives, but they see the Demoman calmly drinking from his bottle. The BLU Heavy then notices the sticky bombs around the door frame, and his expression changes from smugness to shock. The Demoman throws a mock salute and activates the sticky bombs, gibbing all his pursuers]

[The Demoman walks up to (presumably) a decapitated head, laughing merrily as body parts and blood rain down around him.]

Demoman: "Oh, they're going to have to glue you back together... IN HELL!"

[Team Fortress 2 ending flourish music plays, accompanied by bagpipes]

["Meet the Heavy" text appears.]

[Heavy walks up to a cardboard box, carrying his minigun Sasha. He promptly slams her on top of the box and takes a seat behind her.]

Heavy: I am Heavy Weapons Guy...

[Heavy pauses for a moment, looks at Sasha.]

Heavy: and this...

[Heavy grasps his gun and gives her a shake.]

Heavy: is my weapon.

[Heavy leans in on the gun.]

Heavy: She weighs 150 kilograms and fires $200 custom tool cartridges at 10,000 rounds per minute.

[Heavy turns his head to the camera.]

Heavy: It costs $400,000 to fire this weapon... for 12 seconds.

[Camera cuts to Heavy bursting out laughing.]

[Heavy then examines his gun, turning the muzzle around where he notices a mark.]

Heavy: Oh my god, who touched Sasha?

[Heavy grasps his gun and looks off camera.]

Heavy: Alright... [Yells.] Who touched my gun!?

[Camera cuts to Heavy blankly staring and thinking for a few seconds.]

Heavy: Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe. [Sniffles] Maybe.

[Heavy holds a minigun bullet up to the camera.]

I have yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet.

[Camera cuts to Heavy firing his minigun in Dustbowl, mockingly crying. He laughs at his destruction as the camera pans around his head, revealing him to be killing BLU team members.]

Heavy: Cry some more!

[Screen cuts to black.]

Heavy: [Small chuckle.] Cry some more.

[Team Fortress 2 ending flourish music plays.]

["Meet the Engineer" text appears]

[The Engineer is sitting on his toolbox in front of a blue truck, strumming his guitar. The track "More Gun" plays. Next to him is a kill counter displaying 209.]

Engineer: Hey look, buddy. I'm an engineer, that means I solve problems.

[A shot rings out and a bullet hole appears to the left of the Engineer's head.]

Engineer: Not problems like "What is beauty?", 'cause that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy.

[Another two bullet holes appear, on the other side of the Engineer's head.]

Engineer: I solve practical problems!

[The shot zooms out to show a Level 2 sentry shooting off screen while the Engineer takes a long drink from his beer.]

BLU Heavy: [Off screen] [He screams in pain as he gets shot down.]

[The kill counter ticks up from 209 to 210.]

Engineer: For instance, how am I gonna stop some big mean Mother-Hubbard from tearin' me a structurally superfluous new behind?

[As the Engineer talks, a BLU Sniper stalks him in the background in the hills. The Sniper tries to kill him, but he gets spotted by a Level 1 Sentry, which shoots him down.]

Engineer: The answer? Use a gun.

[A Level 2 Sentry shoots a BLU Scout down.]

Engineer: And if that don't work, use more gun.

[A Level 3 Sentry fires a salvo of rockets, blowing up a BLU mercenary. The Engineer looks to where it is headed, and he smiles sadistically.]

Unknown: [Off screen] MY ARM!

[A blown-off hand lands at the Engineer's feet, resembling that of the Sniper judging from the glove. We can finally see the kill counter again, which is now at 214.]

Engineer: Like this heavy-caliber tripod-mounted little-old-number designed by me.

[Engineer kicks the arm off screen as a Level 1 Sentry blows it apart.]

Engineer: Built, by me.

[The same Level 1 sentry shoots someone (Presumably a Soldier) off screen.]

Engineer: And you best hope...

[The Engineer's expression darkens, and he grimaces as he stares right at the camera.]

Engineer: [It's] Not pointed at you.

[The Engineer continues to play his guitar as the shot slowly zooms out, showing the massacre ensuing around the Engineer. An electric guitar begins to replace the melody of "More Gun".]

[Team Fortress 2 ending flourish music plays.]

[The video starts with a peaceful, mountainous background. All is calm until sudden rockets and explosions light up the scene. The RED Scout and the RED Demoman hurriedly escape from the chaos behind them. The two mercenaries are badly hurt, with the Demoman on a wheelchair with a broken arm and a cast on his head. The Scout has casts on his torso.]

Scout: "Move, Cyclops, move! Come on, come on, almost-

[Demoman wheels his wheelchair and Scout runs. They are making ground when the Scout gets hit by a rocket.]

[The Scout falls, grunting in pain. He then looks behind him to see rockets aiming at him.]

Scout: "Woah, who the FU-!" [He then gets hit by the three missiles. The Scout screams as the rockets fling him onto the Medic's glass wall. He faceplants and breaks the glass. One of Medic's doves looks at Scout. He speaks feebly.] "Medic.."

["Meet the Medic" text appears]

[The Scout falls slowly from the window, the camera then zooms out onto the RED Medic's surgery on the RED Heavy.]

Heavy: "[Laughing loudly.]"

Medic:"When the patient woke up, his skeleton is missing, and the Doctor was never heard from again!"

[Medic laughs loudly alone. Half a second later, Heavy laughs with him as he slaps his hand on a tray knocking away the tools on it.]

Medic: "Anyway, that's how I lost my medical license. [He chuckles, and a dove bursts out of Heavy's chest. He scolds the bird.] "Archimedes, no! It's filthy in there!" [He wipes his hand on his vest and looks at Heavy for a second, who looks a tad offended,] "Ugh, birds." [He chuckles and grabs the Heavy's heart.]

Medic: "Now, most hearts couldn't withstand this voltage, [He places the heart onto an Über heart attachment and moves toward his built in Medigun.] but I'm very certain your heart-"

[Heavy's heart explodes, catching the Medic off guard. One of the heart's remains knock Archimedes off their perch.]

Heavy: "What was noise?"

Medic: "The sound of progress my friend."

[Medic goes to his fridge as the crescendo of "A Little Heart to Heart" plays. The fridge contains a Sandvich, the RED Engineer's beer, and three hearts. The heart in the middle is labeled "Loch Ness Hamster." The one on the right is a "Mega Baboon."]

Medic: "Ja, Perfect!"

[Medic takes the "Mega Baboon," revealing a BLU Spy's head being connected to a electrical battery.]

BLU Spy Head: "Kill Me."

Medic: [Quietly.] "Later."

[Closes fridge.]

Medic: "Where was I? Ah, There we go..." [Sticks heart onto a voltage meter. Places it to where the Medigun is pointing and the heart beats faster and glows red.]

Medic: Come on, come on.

[The violin/string instrument in background gets faster in sync with the heart.]

Medic: "[Begins laughing evilly.]"

Heavy: "Ha... ha... ha..." [Looks worried.]

[A flash of light covers the screen.]

Medic: "[Continues laughing evilly. But he stops and looks away from the sudden bright light.]"

[Archimedes flies back to his post with the other doves]

[The big heart is Übercharged, as it glows red with red-orange glows that look like silhouette cracks flowing.]

Medic: "Oh, that looks good. Very nice there!"

[Drops heart into Heavy's chest cavity.]

Heavy: "Should I be awake for this?"

Medic: "Heh, well, no. But, as long as you are could you open your rib cage for me? I can't seem to-"

[As Medic and Heavy hold open Heavy's rib cage, they hear a loud crack and Heavy screams and reveals a broken rib in his hand.]

Heavy: "[Screams in pain.]"

Medic: "Aww, don't be such a baby. Ribs grow back!"

[Medic takes the rib and throws it away. Turns around and talks to Archimedes.]

Medic: [Whispering] "No they don't."

[Archimedes is puzzled. He eventually flies away.]

[Medic takes the mounted Medigun and brings it closer to Heavy. His organs and guts all regenerate including his shirt and vest. Heavy smiles. There is a faint red glow in Heavy's chest, but it fades quickly.]

Heavy: [Takes a deep breath.] "What happens now?"

Medic: "Now?" [Chuckles while lifting Heavy up by the hands.] "Let's go practice medicine."

[As Medic dresses up and equips his tools, a drum plays in the background. He comes out of a door with shining light behind him and his doves flying out. The TF2 Soundtrack, MEDIC!, starts with the choir harp.]

[As Medic comes out, Heavy runs forward. Demoman rushes towards Medic in a wheelchair and wrapped in bandages. The other RED mercenaries are either hiding or hurt badly. Scout is on the ground, trying to stand, while Engineer and Sniper are hiding behind a rock. A wave of BLU Soldiers rushes toward them in the background.]

Demoman: "MEDIC!"

[The Medic flinches as the Demoman gets hit with a rocket sending him flying and landing near Medic. Medic pushes his glasses up and flips a switch on the Medigun, then aims it at Demoman healing him. Demoman gets up whilst removing his cast and bandages. He then quickly nods at Medic and heads back towards battle. Medic spots Scout on the ground and goes to heal him as well. Scout gets off the ground, healing his (most likely broken) nose, his black eye, and he regrows a broken tooth.]

Scout: "Yeah! Woo hoo!"

[Scout springs back up grabbing his baseball bat and runs into the battlefield past the Heavy. He hits a BLU Soldier with it around a corner.]

Scout: "Oh, yeah!"

[Heavy is hiding behind a rock with an army of BLU Soldiers wearing different cosmetics advancing towards him.]

Heavy: [Yelling] "Doctor! Are you sure this will work?"

Medic: [Yelling] "[Laughs maniacally.] I have no idea!"

[Medic flips a few switches on his Medigun revealing a volt meter that goes to Übercharge. He aims it at Heavy while he gets out of cover.]

Heavy: "[Yells with glee. He is enjoying the Übercharge's effects.]"

[Heavy turns red with a glassy/shiny texture as his eyes turn yellow. The camera shows his heart pumping fast and is redder than usual.]

[Heavy walks towards the army shooting his minigun. A couple of rockets hit him and covers the screen in smoke.]

[But the Heavy walks forward unharmed in his Übercharged state.]

Heavy,: "[Laughs loudly.] I am bullet-proof!"

[Heavy and Medic walk forwards while it shows Sniper and Engineer hiding behind a rock showing surprise to Heavy's invincibility. Medic and Heavy both advance while Heavy mows down the enemy Soldiers whilst absorbing their rockets.]

[It then shows the bodies of the dead Soldiers trying to stop the Heavy and Medic to no avail.]

[Heavy and Medic climb a mound of corpses, Heavy specifically stepping on a Soldier wearing the cosmetic 'Armored Authority'.]

[The music crescendos as they climb up and it keeps its pitch when they reach the top. At the top Medic is posing in front of a glowing light while Heavy is slightly below him and to the right of the screen mowing down more enemies. Medic removes his beam from Heavy, but he is still Übercharged. Medic's doves fly around the Medic and Heavy's triumph.]

[Team Fortress 2 ending flourish music plays.]

[Cut to most of the team sitting outside of Medic's Lab, waiting for the Übercharge implant. The Engineer is playing his guitar quietly. The Spy is checking the time, The Soldier is standing at attention while the Demoman drinks from his bottle. The Pyro is reading something while flicking their lighter, and the Sniper is sleeping.]

[Medic is muttering something inside the room.]

Scout: [Off camera.] "Hey, thanks Doc."

[The ticket counter outside the Lab goes from one to two as Scout pushes open the door, his chest glowing red with the new Übercharge implant. Medic is seen in the room cleaning the chair.]

Scout: Oh, man! You would not believe-" [He pauses briefly,] "-how much this hurts."

[Something inside Scout's chest coos like a dove. Scout looks down at his chest in confusion.]

Medic: Archimedes?

[A lone RV is driving down a desert road. Camera cuts to the dashboard, where a bobblehead of the former Civilian sits. A hand comes from offscreen and flicks the head.]

Sniper: "Boom. Headshot."

[Meet the Sniper text appears. Cuts to the Sniper driving his RV as Valve's edited version of Magnum Force plays in the background.]

Sniper: "Snipin's a good job, mate! [He pauses to make a right turn] It's challengin' work, outta doors. I guarantee you'll not go hungry-"

[Cuts to a shot of the Sniper brushing his teeth. There are three photographs on the right of his mirror of a BLU Engineer, Heavy, and Scout - the Engineer and the Scout are crossed off, but the Heavy is not.]

Sniper "-'cause at the end of the day, long as there's two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead."

[Scene cuts to view inside the Sniper's scope. The Sniper headshots the Heavy from the previous scene; the bullet shatters the Bottle of the Demoman behind him, causing the top half of the Bottle to embed itself in his remaining eye. The Demoman flails around, takes out his Grenade Launcher, fires three grenades wildly in the air and falls over a ledge, with his stray grenades igniting a cluster of explosive barrels below and causing a chain explosion.]

Sniper: "Ow..."

[Cuts to the Sniper talking on a pay phone.]

Sniper: "Dad? Dad, I'm a- Ye- Not a "crazed gunman", dad, I'm an assassin! ...Well, the difference bein' one is a job and the other's a mental sickness!"

[Back to Sniper in the RV.]

Sniper: "I'll be honest with ya: my parents do not care for it."

[Cuts to Sniper climbing the tall tower in Gold Rush Stage 3, Cap 1. The Sniper now is waiting at the top of the tower for a shot.]

Sniper: [Glances away from his scope briefly to address the viewer] "I think his mate saw me."

[A bullet ricochets off the ledge under the Sniper.]

Sniper: "YES! Yes he did!"

[The Sniper takes cover as return fire ricochets off the tower.]

[Cuts to a time-lapse image of the Sniper waiting for a shot. Several jars of urine fill up to his side, as the Sniper drinks coffee and waits. As the sun starts to set, the Sniper smiles and finally takes his shot.]

[The Sniper backstabs a Spy through the chest with his Kukri on Gold Rush Stage 3, then slides him off the Knife with a satisfied expression.]

Sniper: "Feelins'? Look mate, you know who has a lot of feelings?"

[Cut back to the RV]

Sniper: "Blokes that bludgeon their wife to death with a golf trophy. Professionals have standards."

[Sniper doffs his hat and puts it on his chest, standing over the dead Spy.]

Sniper: "Be polite."

[Sniper headshots a Medic, a Soldier, and a Pyro, blowing the last's head clean off.]

Sniper: "Be efficient."

[Slow-motion shot of the Sniper reloading his rifle.]

Sniper: "Have a plan to kill everyone you meet."

[The Sniper fires directly at the camera. The screen blacks out.]

[Team Fortress 2 ending flourish music plays.]

[Cut back to the pay phone.]

Sniper: "Dad.... Dad p-, yeah - put Mum on the phone!"

[A bell rings out in alarm. The Administrator's voice comes over the speakers as a large sign board lights up.]

Administrator: "Intruder alert! A RED Spy is in the base!"

[Camera pans down to show a BLU Soldier reading the sign board.]

Soldier: "A RED Spy is in the base?"

[Soldier grabs his shotgun off a gun rack and runs down the stairs.]

Soldier: "Hut hut hut hut hut."

Administrator: "Protect the briefcase!"

Soldier: "We need to protect the briefcase!"

Scout: "Yo, a little help here?"

[Camera moves to BLU Scout pulling on a door handle. Soldier pushes him out of the way and enters numbers into the keypad.]

Soldier: "Alright, alright, I got it. Stand back son. One, one, one, uhh, one!"

Scout: "Let's go, let's go, let's go!"

[A BLU Heavy runs towards them and the door from behind.]

Heavy: "Incoming!"

[Heavy runs into the Scout and Soldier, breaking down the door with Sasha, his minigun. Heavy runs towards the briefcase, knocking Scout and Soldier over in the process. Scout crawls up from the floor, while Heavy lowers his gun.]

Scout: [Screams,]... "Hey, it's still here."

Heavy: [Yells,]... "Alright then."

[Camera pans to behind Heavy. There is a BLU Spy holding a BLU Sniper over his shoulder. The Sniper is dead.]

Spy: "Ahem, gentlemen."

["Meet the Spy" text appears.]

[Spy adjusts the corpse of Sniper and walks towards the briefcase.]

Spy: "I see the briefcase is safe."

Soldier: "Safe and sound!"

Scout: "Yeah, it is!"

[Scout and Soldier stand up.]

Spy: "Tell me, did anyone happen to kill a RED Spy on the way here?"

[Scout shrugs, Heavy and Soldier look at each other and then back to Spy.]

Spy: "No? Then we still have a problem."

[Spy tosses Sniper's corpse onto the desk, showing the Sniper still has a Spy's knife in his back. A sharp musical cue plays.]

Soldier: "And a knife!"

Scout: "Ooh, big problem. I kill plenty of Spies. They're dime-a-dozen back-stabbin' scumbags. Like you! Ow. No offense."

[Scout takes the butterfly knife out of Sniper's back, spinning it around before cutting his finger and dropping the knife. He puts the cut in his mouth.]

Spy: "If you manage to kill them, I assure you, they were not like me."

[Spy spins the knife much better than Scout, fancily closing it and handing it to Scout, who takes his cut out of his mouth.]

Spy: "And nothing, nothing, like the man loose inside this building."

Scout: "What are you? President of his fan club?"

[Soldier laughs behind Scout. Spy walks over to the windows next to the desk.]

Spy: "No.."

[Spy turns back to Scout.]

Spy: "That would be your mother!"

[Spy brings out a Manila folder. He slams it against the desk, and it has "TOP SECRET, SCOUT'S MOM" written on it. Multiple images of the RED Spy and BLU Scout's mother being intimate fly out of the folder and onto the desk. The camera shows us close ups of three of the images.]

Scout: [Stutters in shock.]

[Scout, Soldier and Heavy all look at the photos. Scout with confusion and anger, Soldier with interest and Heavy mostly uncaring, but a little shocked.]

Spy: "Indeed, and now he is here to [Censored] us! So listen up, boy, or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing that happens to you today."

[Spy grabs a cigarette from his case, Scout looks like he is ready to attack Spy, Heavy and Soldier are trading the images of Scout's Ma.]

Soldier: "Oh!"

Scout: "G-gimme that!"

[Scout begins to collect the images, taking them from Heavy and Soldier. Spy takes a drag from his cigarette and looks out the window at a map of the world.]

Spy: "The Spy has already breached our defenses..."

[The camera changes to show the RED Spy running along a hallway. He hides behind a rock quickly, before tossing a Sapper at a BLU Sentry, destroying it, and shooting the Engineer.]

Engineer: "Sentry down!"

[The Engineer falls through a door, dead, and the RED Spy shoots something off camera.]

[Cut back to the three BLU's in the intel room.]

Spy: "You've seen what he's done to our colleagues!"

[The camera pans down to the deceased BLU Sniper before fading into this Sniper's fight with the RED Spy. The Spy raises his knife, ready to backstab, but the Sniper hears him and defends himself with his rifle. The Spy kicks him into a wall, where Sniper grabs his Kukri, attempting to attack the Spy. The Spy dodges, but gets a slash on the Snipers left cheek. Sniper goes in for the attack, but Spy gets the best of him, backstabbing the Sniper. His body falls through the wall onto the ground below. Fight sounds are heard throughout the scene.]

[Cut back to the three BLU's.]

Spy: "And worst of all, he could be any one of us."

[Cut to the RED Spy fighting a BLU Medic. Spy gets a hold on him and disguises himself as the Medic. The disguised Spy hits the Medic, causing his glasses to fly into the air, and for the real Medic to fall to the ground, assumed dead. The Spy grabs Medic's glasses mid-air and puts them on.]

[Cut back to the three BLU's.]

Spy: "He could be in this very room! He could be you. He could be me! He could even be-"

[Spy looks at the camera, but is cut off by his head being blown off. Soldier reloads his shotgun after shooting his teammate. Scout and Heavy look on in surprise. The images and the folder Scout was holding flies into the air.]

Scout: "Woah, woah, woah!"

Heavy: "Oh..."

Soldier: "What? It was obvious! He was the RED Spy! Watch, he'll turn red any second now."

[The camera shows Spy's foot, and Soldier nudges it with his shotgun.]

Soldier: "Aaaany second now..."

[The camera changes to show Heavy and Soldier, who are crouching next to the Spy's body. They do not notice when the BLU Scout changes his demeanor to be much more unaffected by the murder of his teammate. The Scout looks around the room, to make sure no one is watching.]

Soldier: "See! Red! No wait, that's blood..."

[The camera changes again, to be following the BLU Scout as he un-flicks the knife, slowly approaching the unsuspecting BLU's.]

Heavy: "So... We still got problem."

Soldier: "Big problem..."

[Scout approaches them, knife ready.]

Soldier: "Alright, who's ready to go find this Spy?"

[The Soldier and Heavy are unaware as the BLU Scout uncloaks and turns out to be the RED Spy. The Spy lifts his knife, prepared to backstab both of them.]

RED Spy: "Right behind you."

[Both Heavy and Soldier gasp and turn to see the Spy.]

[Team Fortress 2 ending flourish music plays. The sounds of the Soldier and Heavy being murdered can be heard during this.]

[French music plays as we zoom out on a pile of the images seen earlier. The RED Spy, holding the briefcase, moves some out of the way, and grabs a specific one of him and BLU Scout's Ma standing together holding hands. He picks this one up very carefully. He smiles at the sight of it.]

RED Spy: "Ah.. Ma petit chou-fleur."

[The Spy stands up, and walks away.]