Squirrel with a Gun

Squirrel with a Gun

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How To Stop The Jogger
By Black Dragon the Saint
Have you been playing SWAG and that ♥♥♥♥♥ Jessica (AKA The World's Most Annoying Jogger) just won't stop being annoying? Or maybe she's moving too fast per her animation and it's making you tired? Perhaps her terrible pudding face combined with the awful running animation is reminding you too much of Skinwalkers? Maybe she reminds you of your ex-wife? No matter the reason, I've got the perfect way to get her out of your hair.
   
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Setup
So before we get started, there are a couple of prerequisites needed for this to work:

- Either the Car or the Quadcopter Drone
- An Explosive Weapon you feel comfortable with


Yup. That's Right, you'll likely have finished the game before you can do this, but it is still handy late game due to the simple fact that nuking the jogger is quite honestly therapeutic. Also its good to have her out of the way and with a broken AI than just running around anyway.
Destination: The Middle East
We will be using the Fenced Block section of the map, which is the central lot surrounded by the fence with the angry doomsday prepper and the Porta Potty out front. It's worth noting here that you'll have only one really good place to attempt to get her over that fence. See Below:

https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ugc/2426965292319163615/1182B2FC2B048DC3497F9F67803A336338DE9278/?imw=256&&ima=fit&impolicy=Letterbox&imcolor=%23000000&letterbox=false

The red arrow indicates the intersection where you'll want to try to get her over the fence, while the blue arrows indicate the direction she should be traveling. While this can be done from the other sides, it is easiest here because she will get the closest to the fence.
Going In with a BANG
This is the part where the explosives come in. Interesting Fact, while this can be done with the grenades scattered around the map, it does take a LOT of practice with timing and throwing. it's doable, but not recommended. This can also be done from the Car, but the Drone is by far the best way. She can be tracked from the air and you can memorize her pattern.

Equip your vehicle of choice along with either the rocket launcher (easiest) or the grenade launcher (it's alright) and begin tracking pudding face. When she's right approaching the intersection from the direction we need her to, fire in front of her. Once she's been knocked down, this gets easier, but first you have to knock her down. This is why the Vehicle is handy: you automatically reload shots.

When she's down, keep reloading and firing, aiming to get her over the fence. When she's over the fence, knock her into the minefield. Not only does this scratch the "CAUSE THIS BASTARD SOME PHYSICAL HARM" itch, something about it either breaks the AI and prevents her resetting (which will happen if you launch her into the pool or waterway, but it's also really nice to watch her just bounce around and getting what she deserves. Prick.
Satisfaction
And there you go! One annoying moron caged like an animal in our own private zoo for squirrels. What did she do to deserve this? Am I a Psychopath? Will the DLC boss be called Baby? Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z
4 Comments
Black Dragon the Saint  [author] 2 May @ 8:23am 
@smort_doge correct, it was. this was also just a giant shitpost i threw together due to the amount of time i spoent trying to get pizzaface out of my way.
76561198878026981 1 May @ 5:40pm 
... you can also just skip the hassle by using the grav gun, but credit where credit is due, this was prob posted before the update
Black Dragon the Saint  [author] 3 Dec, 2024 @ 3:32pm 
@<W F> Ævil-Blondi-E You'd think that, but hitting her with the car just doesn't give the needed leverage to get her over the fence. with the right angle you can sort of klnock her into the port-a-potty but she just gets back out.
<W F> Ævil-Blondi-E 3 Dec, 2024 @ 6:48am 
Or you know you just ram in jogger with a car and be done with that in 5 seconds. No aiming, no planning, no explosive weapons, no waiting required. And you unlock car in pretty much beginning of the game.... you know intended way.