Before you dive into the madness, choose your loadout wisely. Remember, you’re not just a soldier... you’re a hopeless romantic with a flamethrower.

Best gear for dating women:

- FLAM-40 Flamethrower: because nothing says “I’m hot for you” like setting aliens (and maybe your crush) on fire.

- SH-32 Shield Generator: your personal “love bubble” to protect your date from hostile bugs and awkward conversations.

- Resupply Packs: because love means never running out of ammo.

- And of course, Eagle Cluster Bomb: to shower your crush with explosive affection (and alien guts).

First things first, find a female. Preferably one who doesn’t run screaming when you talk about your action figure collection. Once you've done it it's time to flirt with a female. (Very scary).

- Throw down a Shield Generator right next to her and yell in your mic:

“I got you, babe... no bug’s getting through this love wall!”

- Spam the Wave and Thumbs Up emotes while reviving her, because nothing says “You’re my hero” like bringing someone back from the dead.

- Keep talking to her. Say things like:

“I’m the only one who can save you… and maybe your heart.”

“Don’t worry, I’m here to revive your body and steal your heart.”


- She responds with: “Dude, you’re a total creep.” And then she leaves the game. (Cry).

She called you a creep. She left the match... You haven’t blinked since.

- You start feeling depressed. You quit your job, block all your friends and start listening to "when depression hits hard" playlist.

- You uninstall Helldivers 2... then reinstall it five minutes later.

- You start writing poetry in the team chat. No one responds. That’s okay. No one ever really responds...

You were down bad. Real bad. Uninstalled the game... (for less than 5 minutes),
Lost your job, Blocked your friends... Had “When Depression Hits Hard” on loop like it was gospel.
And then... it happened.
A new mission. A random squad. You join, mic off, heart shattered.
Suddenly-

“Hi, everyone!” - a Female voice.


- You switch to your best emotes: salute, wave, then that awkward dance you swore you’d never use again. (It’s happening! You’re back!)

- You don’t even care that she hasn’t said another word. You’re healed. You’re a Helldiver. And love... love might be out there again. (probably not).

- You try again... And fail miserably once more.

After hours of simping for Women, you’ll realize, that your squad is ♥♥♥♥ talking you once again, females keep calling you a Creep, you wasted several hours of your life and there's one more thing you can try...

TW: MIGHT HURT YOUR FEELINGS!!1!1!


























Quit Helldivers for good. Go Outside. Touch Grass. Talk to a Human Woman.

She will not know what a Bile Spitter is. That’s okay... Helldivers isn’t about girlfriends. It’s about spreading democracy and liberating planets from the Automatons and Terminids.

Rate, Reward & Add to Favorite.