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Do you hate normal builds? Want to gaslight your entire party and seduce gods while wearing the ugliest hat possible? Good.
Welcome to the ONLY guide you’ll ever need to play Baldur’s Gate 3 like an unmedicated genius with a point to prove.

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Class: Sorlockadinbardbarian. Yes. All of them. Multiclass like a Redditor with decision paralysis.
Race: Gnome. Why? Because short kings hit harder.
Appearance: Make the most bizarre, lopsided, tragic-looking character. Use the worst mustache. Trust me. This is power.
Stats: CHA: 20, INT: -1, DEX: who cares, you're here to talk your way out of gravity.

Take “Friends” cantrip. It makes NPCs like you before you ruin their lives.

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You want to win without fighting. Here’s how:

Every conflict is a conversation. Seduce, lie, intimidate. Don’t even draw your sword.

Turn your party into cultists. Let Shadowheart start a religion. Join it. Then leave it. Then destroy it.

Make Wyll regret every decision. Gaslight him into joining you, then replace him with Scratch the dog.

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Get the ugliest armor in Act 1 (bonus if it smells).

Live in the swamp. Recruit the hag. Marry her (emotionally).

Kill absolutely no one, unless they insult your hat.

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Wild Shape into a spore-covered bear.

Only speak in mushroom facts.

If someone mentions “tadpole,” start monologuing about fungi reproduction cycles until they leave.

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You reach the final boss.

Instead of fighting…

Take out your lute.
Play Wonderwall.
Roll a Nat 20.

Game ends. You’re crowned Supreme Bard of Baldur’s Gate.
Karlach cries. Gale ascends.
You uninstall with tears in your eyes.

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Never long rest unless emotionally necessary.

Rename your character every act.

Romance everyone. Simultaneously. Especially Lae’zel. She will hate it. That’s the point.

Steal everything. Especially chairs. Especially if nailed down.

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Just Looksmaxx IRL, upload a thirst trap, tag it #BG3, and say you “romanced Raphael for real.”
Profit.

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Play the chaos here