Ohhhhh Yaaaaa Daddyyyyy

Robbie was only 23 years old.
He loved CS:GO so much.
He had most of the achievements and items.
He prayed to Gaben every night before bed, thanking him for the inventory he's been given.
"CS:GO is love," he says, "CS:GO is life."
His elder Dragon hears him and calls him a silver scrublord.
He knows his elder is just jealous of his son's devotion to Gabe.
He calls him a console peasant.
He slaps him and sends him to sleep.
He's crying now and his face hurts.
He lays in bed, and it's really cold.
He feels a warmth moving towards him.
He looks up.
It's Gabe!
He's so happy,
Gabe whispers into Robbie's ear, "Try your chances... Open a case."
Gaben grabs Robbie with his powerful dev-team hands and puts him on his hands and knees.
He's ready.
Robbie opens his pockets for Gabe.
Gabe puts his hands deep into Robbie's pockets.
It costs so much, but Robbie does it for CS:GO.
Robbie can feel his wallet emptying as his eyes start to water.
He accepts the terms and conditions.
Robbie wants to please Gabe.
Gaben lets out a mighty roar as he fills Robbie's computer with keys.
Robbie opens all the cases and gets nothing worth anything at all.

CS:GO is love...
CS:GO is life...