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Ever since the day I was born I've had a knack for getting large objects shoved up my rectum. When I was 2, I got a few golf balls up there (my dad helped me out with this). When I was 5, I got a few baseballs with the help of some good old coconut oil and a blow dryer. When I was 8, I inserted a 15 pound dumbbell and a volleyball on top of that, this time with the help of an tomato juice enema and a jack. When I was 10, I shoved an entire bowling ball up there, breaking my tailbone and dislocated three lower vertebrate. I didn't go to the hospital, because that place is for weaklings who can only shove a magic 8-ball up there. I'm too strong for that.