>be me
>start lifting right when the gym opens up
>completely empty most of the time
>electronic access so don't have to deal with the ♥♥♥♥♥ at the reception
>strange but comfy feeling
>liminalspacesafterdark.jpg
>about a month in this HUGE roid shows up
>120+ kg not a gramm of fat on him
>whatever there's more than enough benches for the both of us
>about halfway through my last set I hear bloodcurdling screams from the other side of the freeweight area
>"♥♥♥♥♥♥! WHY DID YOU BETRAY EVERYONE?! WHY?! AAAAAAHH! ♥♥♥♥♥♥!"
>look over
>see roid benching with his headphones in while screaming his head of
>quickly finish my set and leave
>this continues for weeks
>6 days a week, 4 weeks a month
>every single time things get rough for him on the bench "♥♥♥♥♥♥! WHY DAMN YOU?! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥!"
>one day work up the nerve to tell him to keep it down with the incel ♥♥♥♥ since I can hear him through my NOISECANCELLING HEADPHONES >says he isn't screaming "♥♥♥♥♥♥" but "Horus", a guy who "betrayed him and his kin"
>ask him what the ♥♥♥♥ he means by "his kin"
>he rolls up his sleeve to reveal the gayest shoulder tattoo I've ever seen
>looks like a tear with angel wings
>wakemeupinside.jpg
>says he's part of the "blood warriors" or some ♥♥♥♥ like that
>never heard of a gang by that name in the area
>he apparently interprets my looks of bewilderment as a sign of interest and goes on the most autistic rant I've heard in my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ life
>says he can lift heavier by channeling his "black rage"
>I stare even harder
>the guy is super white
>like born in Eastern Europe and has never seen the sun white
>is this mf like a reverse black klansman or something?
>he notices my eyeballs coming out of my skull and eleborates
>apparently Horus isn't a real guy, he's the bad guy from some kind of niche fantasy franchise he subscribes too
>so are the blood warriors
>he then proceeds to relate to me some of the weirdest ♥♥♥♥ I've heard in a long time
>I mean I was into some autistic ♥♥♥♥ in my time but BOI
>thousands of years into the future
>humanity built a galaxy spanning empire but somehow reverted back to an absolute monarchy in the process
>everything is led by a single guy who is a huge fedora tipping atheist, but also technically himself a god
>also he's in a coma and needs to eat a thousand witches every single day to stay alive
>instead of using warp drives like in star trek they open up portals to hell, cover the (somehow shorter) distance IN HELL and break back into reality
>speaking of hell there's demons in this universe, also aliens, also witches, also cyborgs
>to deal with all that ♥♥♥♥ they brought back the communist commisariat and - I kid you not - the Spanish Inquisition
>I just keep staring and smiling politely for fear of him killing me in an autistic fit of rage if I shut him up
>the ♥♥♥♥♥♥ won't. stop. talking.
>I finally loose my patience when he tells me about this alien race that's like LOTR elves except their magic is powered EXCLUSIVELY BY RAPE
>not by sex like in some ancient vitality based nature religion
>no it HAS to be rape or their god won't be satisfied
>mumble something non commital about being late for work and gtfo
>he yells after me about how we should talk more and how it's super hard to find someone who's interested in that ♥♥♥♥
>can'timaginewhy.jpg
>stay home and do calisthenics for two weeks
>buy some better headphones
>he's still there every morning
>to this day he's still screaming about Horus and how he betrayed him
>thankfully he never talked to me again
>the new headphones drown him out, mostly

We got a number one victory royale
Yeah, Fortnite, we 'bout to get down (get down)
Ten kills on the board right now
Just wiped out Tomato Town
My friend just got downed
I revived him, now we're heading south-bound
Now we're in the Pleasant Park streets
Look at the map, go to the marked sheet

Take me to your Xbox to play Fortnite today
You can take me to Moisty Mire, but not Loot Lake
I really love to chug jug with you
We can be pro Fortnite gamers

He said
"Hey broski, you got some heals and a shield pot?
I need healing and I am only at one HP"
Hey dude, sorry, I found nothing on this safari
I checked the upstairs of that house but not the underneath yet
There's a chest that's just down there
The storm is coming fast and you need heals to prepare
I've got V-Bucks that I'll spend
More than you can contend
I'm a cool pro Fortnite gamer (Cool pro Fortnite-)

Take me to your Xbox to play Fortnite today
You can take me to Moisty Mire, but not Loot Lake
I really love to chug jug with you
We can be pro Fortnite gamers

La-la-la-la-la-e-ya
La-la-la-la-la-e-ya
La-la-la-la-la-e-ya
Will you be my pro Fortnite gamer? (Pro Fortnite gamer)

Can we get a win this weekend?
Take me to Loot Lake
Let's change the game mode and we can Disco Dominate
Let's hop in an ATK
Take me to the zone
I'm running kind of low on mats, I need to break some stone

Dressed in all his fancy clothes
He's got Renegade Raider and he's probably a pro
He just shot my back
I turn back and I attack
I just got a victory royale
A victory royale

Take me to your Xbox to play Fortnite today
You can take me to Moisty Mire, but not Loot Lake
I really love to chug jug with you
We can be pro Fortnite gamers