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I put perks on Vladimir Putin's drink
And he went to bed for a really long time
I trapped my autistic son's hand in an air fryer (herrrrr)
I dumped boiling water on a prison guard's head
My goofy ah friend, Jamarious Quandele Dingle tried to eat my but during Ramadhan
My cousin Henry Bartholomew Dingle Nut
Got arrested for putting a TNT in a daycare center (what the ♥♥♥♥)
Put a camera on Joe Biden's bathroom and watched him take a poop (what)
My Asian brother Quan Ling Ling Dingle put illegal substances in my ramen and I died
I have been arrested for multiple crimes
Including battery on police officer (what)
Grand theft, declaring war on Italy, and public indecency
I will be escaping prison on March 28th
After that I will take over the world