>I pray to Shrek every night before bed, thanking him for the life I've been given
>"Shrek is love" I say; "Shrek is life"
>My dad hears me and calls me a ♥♥♥♥♥♥
>I know he was just jealous of my devotion for Shrek
>I called him a ♥♥♥♥
>He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep
>I'm crying now, and my face hurts
>I lay in bed and it's really cold
>A warmth is moving towards me, I feel something touch me
>It's Shrek
>I am so happy
He whispers into my ear "This is my swamp."
>He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands and puts me down onto my hands and knees
>I'm ready
>I spread my ass-cheeks for Shrek
>He penetrates my butt-hole
>It hurts so much but I do it for Shrek
>I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water
>I push against his force
>I want to please Shrek
>He roars in a mighty roar as he fills my butt with his love
>My dad walks in
>Shrek looks him straight in the eyes and says "It's all ogre now."
>Shrek leaves through my window
>Shrek is love.

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I literally wish I were joking. I made a throwaway so my buddies don't see this but I've got to tell someone.

My names Dan which is probably important to the story. A few weeks ago gf and I got high together and were just chilling when she suddenly starts giggling hysterically. I ask what shes laughing at and she tells me she decided to nickname my ♥♥♥♥. Fine, fair enough. She then goes on to say "Little Dan" was too common and the only other name she could think of was "Danny Devito".

Redditors it has been two weeks. She has not stopped calling my penis Danny Devito. She literally texted me an hour ago, and it said "How's Danny and his Devitos doing?"

And listen, it's funny. But the worst part is that I'm not sure she even knows who Danny Devito is. We were watching The Godfather and she literally thought Al Pacino was Danny Devito.

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