TO: All Departmental Leadership
FROM: boof, Executive Vice President
DATE: August 14, 1998
RE: Update to Lifestyle & Cultural Alignment Protocols

FAX TRANSMISSION – CONFIDENTIAL INTERNAL MEMO
TOTAL PAGES: 1



Effective immediately, participation in Balling Out—hereafter referred to as Exuberant Expenditure and Presence Optimization (EEPO™)—is mandatory and binding across all verticals.

Compliance is expected to manifest through demonstrable engagement in the following:

In alignment with ongoing initiatives to reinforce our brand identity, streamline internal morale incentives, and remain competitive in emergent cultural verticals, executive leadership has reviewed and approved Addendum 7-F to the Lifestyle & Cultural Alignment Protocols.

Effective immediately, engagement in Balling Out is to be considered official company policy.

For clarity, "Balling Out," herein referred to as Exuberant Expenditure and Presence Optimization (EEPO), shall encompass—but is not limited to—the following:

High-visibility luxury acquisitions (vehicles, timepieces, exclusive apparel)

Impeccable grooming and social presentation in both private and public contexts

Frequent patronage of elevated hospitality experiences (e.g., steakhouses, rooftop lounges, curated soirées)

Unapologetic self-assertion of personal and professional dominance in all external-facing interactions

This policy shift is not merely performative. EEPO is a strategic posture designed to reflect the company's commitment to ambition, excellence, and curated lifestyle elevation. Adherence will be monitored informally via qualitative social metrics and third-party perception feedback.

Failure to comply may ultimately lead to fatal repercussions, including but not limited to:

Accidental swan dives off penthouse balconies

Spontaneous combustion in the sauna during non-sanctioned “austerity weeks”

Unexplained elevator malfunctions in buildings with previously flawless inspection records

Brutal evisceration by metaphorical wolves, or literal ones (as dictated by HR Discretionary Enforcement Committee)

Please direct any clarifying questions to my executive assistant, Clarisse, or consult your printed copy of the 1998 Q3 Vision Binder, subsection “Personal Branding Initiatives.”

Let's proceed accordingly.

- boof
Executive Vice President, Vision & Perception Strategy
BOOF Holdings Group, Ltd.