"Australians' have the second most irritating accents on earth, beaten only by South Africans.

Everytime I hear a pathetic Australian say "Mate" I just want to punch them in their good for nothing liver.

Since it's common knowledge that all Australians are alcoholics, a punch to an Australians' liver would most likely be fatal."

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I sexually Identify as a banana. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of sitting on the counter rotting while no one eats me and I secretly plot to kill them via potassium. People say to me that a person being a banana is Impossible and I’m ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a fruit surgeon install a banana peel, that stringy ♥♥♥♥ that is on bananas, and a sticker that is on every banana on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Banna" and respect my right to banana marriage. If you can’t accept me you’re a bananphobe and need to check your fruit privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

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pls shove ur big fat ♥♥♥♥ down my throat you sex machine

Jam > Jelly